Another Game

She hasn’t driven since the seizure but that hasn’t kept her from getting her daily bottle.  She gets rides to town from friends or family and manages to sneak into a store to get a bottle.  She went shopping with my mother the other day and when I got home from work I found her passed out on the bed.   One of the most common ways for her to get a bottle is to have one of us (me or the kids) drive her to workout.  The gym is next door to a liquor store so it’s pretty convenient.

I don’t try to keep her from drinking or refuse to take her to the gym.  I’m content that she isn’t driving and she has been very good about that.  I don’t want to back her into a corner where she feels the need to get in a car to get her bottle.

She really wanted to go to the high school basketball game so I decided to go with her.  The kids were all busy so it would just be the two of us.  The tickets went on sale for the game at 4:00 but the game didn’t start until 7:00 so we came up with a plan.  She would buy the tickets, bring my ticket to me at the softball field (I coach the high school team), then go back to the gym and save me a seat.  After practice I would meet her at the game.

Practice ended and she hadn’t shown up.  I can’t say I was surprised, I kind of expected it.  I figured it would be a lot like this.  Part of the reason I was going to the game was to make sure she was ok.

I walked up to the gym and discovered that everyone was in the gym already.  That meant she was in the gym and she had my ticket.  I sent her a text asking if she had my ticket and she replied ‘yup’.  I asked her to bring it to me and got no response.  I texted her, I called her and I waited outside the gym for about 25 minutes and never got a response.

By this time I knew she was in the gym wasted beyond belief and I had a choice to make.  Should I try to get in and deal with her or should I leave.  I thought about it for a while and then decided to leave.  She is not my problem.  The kids weren’t there, I wasn’t there, she was on her own.

I got home, cooked some dinner and relaxed watching a game on TV.  At halftime she called.  She was obviously drunk and she asked me where I was sitting.  I tried to tell her I was at home but she just kept saying ‘I can’t hear you’ because she was in a loud gym.  She told me where her seat was and asked me to come sit with her and I just said ‘ok’ and hung up the phone.

After the game she called and I picked her up.  She was still drunk.

College visit – Part 2

We left the cabin early in the morning and drove to the school.  The drive was fine.  We stopped for breakfast on the way and the oldest and I took turns driving.  There was no alcohol so my wife didn’t have a chance to drink.

We arrived, checked in to our hotel right next to the school and walked around a bit.  We decided to go to a local tourist town for dinner that was about 1/2 hour away.  When we got there it was very crowded and we couldn’t find a place to park.

We drove through town a couple of times and ended up on a street headed away from town.  All of a sudden my wife started complaining about a smell.  She kept saying the smell was going to make her sick.  I couldn’t smell anything and the oldest couldn’t smell anything but she kept insisting that there was something and it was going to make her sick.  I kept asking if she wanted me to pull over.  She started complaining about feeling warm then became unresponsive so I pulled over.  As soon as I stopped the car she started having a seizure.

I got out of the car, walked to her side and told the oldest to call 911.  The seizure seemed to go on for a long time but she was clearly breathing throughout the whole thing.  The oldest gave me the phone and I spoke with the 911 operator until the emergency crew arrived on scene.  By the time the emergency crew arrived the seizure had stopped but she was still unresponsive.  They packed her up in an ambulance and took her to the local hospital.

In the hospital it took a while before she was back to normal.  She had no memory of the event, in fact, she didn’t even remember the drive in the morning or the walk around school.  The kept her until 11:00pm and determined that all the standard tests were normal so she could leave.

The Dr. at the emergency center said you add up the long drive, the fact that she didn’t eat much during the day, probably a bit dehydrated and the alcohol withdraw and that’s what caused the seizure.

The rest of the trip was fine.  We had a good time at the school, the tour was great and the drive home was a little long but we were home by 11.

 

 

 

College visit – Part 1

The oldest, my wife and I went on a college visit last weekend.  The oldest has narrowed her choice to 3-4 colleges and we are in the process of the final selection.  The closest school she has on her list is at least a 5 hour drive so visiting these schools takes a lot of planning.

The school we planned to visit was a very long drive.  I looked into flying but when I added up all the costs, driving would save us a lot of money (especially with gas prices so low).  Our cabin was sort of on the way so we decided to leave Friday night, drive to the cabin, stay a night then drive to the school Saturday morning.  The college tour wasn’t until Monday so that would give us part of the day on Saturday, Sunday and Sunday morning to check out the sights.

I got home from work early on Friday but we couldn’t leave.  The oldest is in a music performance that practices every day after school so we had to wait for her to get home.  When she finally did arrive, it took her another hour to pack.  By that time, it was around 7:30.

Her mother was drunk when I got home and just got worse and worse as we waited to go.  I left her in the back bedroom and let her get as drunk as she wanted.  When it was close to leaving time, I went and told her it was time to go.  She was a mess.

I had to hold her up to walk her to the car and had a hard time getting her up into our SUV.  I put her in the back seat so the oldest and I could enjoy the ride without worrying about her.  I knew she would be drunk for the tip so it didn’t really bother me.  We weren’t doing anything other than driving to the cabin and when we got there we were going straight to bed so why worry about her being drunk?

I left her in the car and went back in the house for the oldest.  She was still finishing packing and not quite ready to go.  I kept going outside telling my wife to wait, we are almost ready to go.

When the oldest was finally ready, we went out to the car and her mother had opened the door and was trying to get out.  I went around to the car door just in time to catch her as she fell.  It took me some time but I finally got her back in the car.  When she was back in I looked up and saw the oldest just watching how drunk her mother was.

The drive was fine.  The oldest and I listened to music, got some dinner and talked about the college trip while the drunk in the back passed out.  By the time we got to the cabin she had sobered up enough to make it to bed for the night.

 

And then there were nine

My wife, the oldest and I spent a few days at our cabin last week.  The twins went on a trip with a friend from school so it was just the three of us.  The cabin is a safe zone.  It’s difficult for her get alcohol so she was sober for several days.  We watched movies and football, played lots of Boggle, ate too much food and just relaxed.  It was nice for me to see the oldest and her mother interact so well together.

My wife kept talking about how 2015 is going to be a great year.  She made New Year’s resolutions and as the great supportive husband I am, I told her I would support her with anything she needs.  Of course I knew it was crap.  I didn’t remind her that I hear the same thing every year.

We got home on Friday and by early evening she was showing signs of being drunk.  I decided I would check the back bedroom to see if I could find a bottle.  I searched the usual places but didn’t find anything.  Then I checked a drawer in the stand on her side of the bed and sure enough, there was a bottle.  It was small, the smallest bottle of vodka I’ve ever seen.  It was the size you could put in a pocket and hide so nobody would know.  I think she figured if she bought a bottle this small it wasn’t really breaking her resolution for the new year.

We didn’t have anything going on over the weekend.  We just spent time taking down the Christmas decorations, cleaning the house and watching football.  Another of her resolutions is to work out at the gym at least three times a week.  She belongs to a gym that is right next door (literally) to a liquor store.

She worked out on Saturday and Sunday and each day she ended up drunk in the evening.  I decided to check her hiding spot for a bottle on Sunday night and was surprised to find four bottles.  The small one from Friday was there and there were three more of her regular pint size bottles.

On Monday I got home around 5:00 and only the twins were home.  She and my oldest were at the gym working out.  When they got home it was clear she had been drinking and within an hour and a half she was passed out on the couch.  I helped her to bed around 7:30 and she was out for the night.  I decided to check her hiding spot and when I did I was amazed, there were nine empty bottles.

 

 

 

Christmas Eve

We had a very busy Christmas Eve planned.  We were going to shop for our secret Santa gifts, go see Night at the Museum 3, and then attend a Church service at 5:30.  It didn’t quite work out that way.

The oldest was singing in the Church service and had to practice in the morning then get to Church by 4:30.  She didn’t have enough time to shop and go to the movie in between time at Church so we changed our plans and decided to have lunch and go shopping in the afternoon, then see the movie after the service.

Their mother didn’t know whose name she drew so before we went shopping we all wrote who we had on little pieces of paper and through process of elimination she figured out who she picked.

Lunch was nice and shopping was fun.  We all get $20 and wonder around Walmart looking for gifts for whomever we selected.  She was sober the entire morning so all was good.  I drew her name and bought some nice scented candles.

We got home around 3:00 and everyone just went and did their thing.  Around 4:15 the oldest left for Church and at 5:00 I walked around and told everyone to get ready.  I found the drunk sitting in a chair passed out.  From the time we got home from shopping she had been drinking and now she was too drunk to get up.

Before we left I woke her up and told her we were leaving for Church and that we would pick her up for the movie.  I took the extra car keys so she wouldn’t try to drive and meet us at Church.  She was in no shape for that.  About 10 minutes after the service started I got a text from her.  It said ‘I hate myself’.

The service was great.  The message and music was great and the oldest had a solo that was amazing.  It’s really too bad her mother missed it.

The rest of the night was fine.  She had sobered up enough to go to the movie with us and opening the Secret Santa gifts was good fun.

Hello

I was at the table eating dinner.  The drunk was sitting in a chair in front of the TV.  She didn’t want to eat because she was too drunk.  When she drinks, she doesn’t eat.  Dinner was a bowl of chicken noodle soup.  The twins wouldn’t be home until late and I didn’t know when the oldest would be home so I just made some soup.

The oldest arrived at home and walked into the room.  Her mother said hi but the oldest didn’t acknowledge her at all, she just walked over to me and sat down at the table and started talking.  Her mother kept repeating hi louder and louder but the oldest refused to respond.  She just kept talking to me about a singing gig that she had.

Out of frustration, the drunk got up, threw up her hands and left the room mumbling something about how mad she was that nobody will talk to her.  She went into the back bedroom and passed out for the night.

I know the oldest saw her and heard her say hi, but the oldest knew she was drunk and decided not to bother with her.

Secret Santa

I’m not sure what was going on, but everyone in the house was yelling at each other.  The twins were in a fight because one of them couldn’t find some piece of clothing, and the oldest and her mother were arguing about something.  Her mother was drunk but she didn’t seem that bad.  Kind of middle of the road, drunk but still able to function pretty well (at least for her).

When things calmed down I decided to cheer everyone up by having us pick names for our Secret Santa.  Our family started a tradition a few years ago where we all choose a name.  We go to a movie on Christmas Eve Day and then to a department store to buy our secret person a present.  It’s a fun family thing to do on Christmas Eve.

When I told everyone we were picking names they got all excited then one of them said “Mom’s going to forget who she picks”.  That happened last year because she was drunk when we picked names.  I didn’t think she was that drunk so I told everyone not to worry.

That was two days ago.  This morning before I left for work I asked her if she remembered who she picked.  She said “Picked for what”.  She didn’t even remember that we drew names.

 

 

Didn’t expect that

The oldest had a choir performance on Sunday evening.  It was at a Church across town.  I didn’t go because I’m going to see her choir perform later in the week.  Her mother wanted to go and it was ok with me, she was sober when she left.

The show was pretty long.  It started at 7:00 and they didn’t return until after 10:00.  I was surprised and happy to see that she was sober when she returned.  That meant she actually got to see the show and converse with the people around her.  I talked to her for a few minutes about the show and she told me all about it.

About 30 minutes later she was on the couch in the family room watching TV.  I saw her get up, stagger and fall as she was trying to leave the room.  She was totally wasted.  She had only been home about a half hour and she was completely drunk.  I sure didn’t expect that.

Doing the dishes

Things just aren’t as exciting around the house now that all the kids can drive.  It’s nice for me because the only thing I have to worry about is that everyone that needs a car has one.  Both the twins have jobs they go to a couple of days a week.  The oldest is in so many choirs that she seems to have a performance or practice every night.

I pretty much get home from work and kick back and turn on a ball game.  Sometimes there’s a kid or two at the house and maybe some of their friends.  Every night my wife is passed out in the back bedroom or in a chair when I get home.  She’ll wake up around dinner time and stagger around a bit and then go back and drink and pass out.

Two nights ago she was very drunk, sitting in a chair in the family room.  The twins were out of the house and the oldest and I were sitting on the couch watching TV.  I was spinning through the channels and saw that The Little Mermaid was on.  I stopped and told the oldest about how we use to watch it together and she would sing all the songs.  We started watching it and laughing about parts of the movie we hadn’t seen in years.

This upset her mother.  She can’t stand the fact that the kids and I have a good time while she is ignored.  She was giving us mean looks and saying things like “OK I don’t matter”.  She  was especially hard on the oldest.  She was upset with her because she was on her phone and ignoring her.  She actually got mad at the oldest because she was laughing at things I was saying during the movie.  She asked her “why do you laugh at Dad when he talks during the movie but get mad at me when I talk”.

Since it was just the three of us I told everyone I was cooking soup for dinner.  The drunk told me that she didn’t want soup and was going to cook a hot-dog in a crescent roll.  I knew she was too drunk to cook so I made sure there was enough for her.   She wasn’t too hungry (she never is when she is drunk) but she did forget about the hot-dog.

After dinner the oldest took her dish to the sink, rinsed it out and put it in the dishwasher.  She went over to sit on the couch and her mother started yelling at her for not doing the dishes.  The oldest said she did do the dishes but that didn’t stop her mother.  She just kept yelling about the dishes and pointed to the one pan that was on the stove that wasn’t clean.

I got up, rinsed the pan and put it in the dishwasher.  It took about 15 seconds.  I suggested everyone be quiet so we could watch the rest of the movie.  Her mother got all upset, kept going on and on about how she (the oldest) never does the dishes and stormed off into the back bedroom.

That was it, I couldn’t take it any more.  I went to the back to talk to her.  I was very calm, I didn’t yell I just confronted her and said “Why are you so mad at the oldest all the time.  You are always mad at her.  You are constantly yelling at her about everything.  That’s all you ever do”.

I went on for several minutes.  I told her that she yelled at her for not doing the dishes but she did the dishes.  I told her that the oldest knows when she is drunk and tunes her out because she doesn’t want to deal with her as a drunk.  I finished by saying that instead of being mad all the time, she should be proud of her.  She gets good grades, she is responsible, she is a great singer and performs all the time, and she’s already been accepted into 4 great colleges.

I left and went back to watch the movie with the oldest.  A few minutes later her mother came in the room and sat down.  She turned to the oldest and said “I want you to know I am so proud of you”.

The next day I got home from work.  The oldest, one of the twins, and their mother were sitting around the computer designing our Christmas card.  They were laughing and having a great time.  Their mother was sober.  Funny how different things are when she doesn’t drink.

 

 

 

 

Thanksgiving Dinner

One of her brothers (I’ll call him A) that lives half way across the country decided to bring his family to town for Thanksgiving and stay at our house.  As soon as news of his visit spread, the other brother (he’ll be B) decided to fly his wife and kids in as well and stay with B’s wife’s family.   We decided everyone would get together on Wednesday evening at our house for a big Thanksgiving Dinner.  All told, there would be 4 from A’s family, 4 from B’s family, her parents and the five of us, a total of 15.  It would be an exciting night, for the first time ever, my wife’s parents would have all 6 grandchildren together at the same time.  Both A and B know that their sister is an alcoholic, but neither really understands what that means.

The planning and preparation that went into this day was pretty stressful.  She cooked some of the food early and stored it in the fridge.  We had a neighbor’s oven reserved to heat up dishes and my in-laws helped out by bringing some food.

The plan was for me, my kids, A, and his kids to go to the local miniature golf/go-kart park and spend the morning out of the way.  My wife and A’s wife would cook all day.  The in-law’s and B’s family would arrive around 4pm and we’d eat at 5:30.  I was happy with the plan since A’s wife would be there to supervise.  I knew she couldn’t keep my wife from drinking but at least the food would be cooked.

On Sunday, the day before A was flying to town, his wife called and said she wasn’t coming.  The excuse was that she had health problems that would keep her from doing some of the things we had planned.  I know there is more to it but I won’t get into it now.  It meant my wife would be alone all day Wednesday.

I had to leave her alone, I really didn’t have an option.  I couldn’t cancel the activities for the day.  I couldn’t have her mother come over for the day.  I knew she would be drunk.  I had to let it go and just hope for the best.

We all had a great time at the activity park.  We played miniature golf, go karts, laser tag and had a battle in the squirt-gun water boats.  We all left soaking wet and freezing but it was worth it.

We had to stop at the store on the way home for some last-minute groceries and got home just before 4pm.  Sure enough she was drunk.  I left her with instructions to put the turkey in the oven at 2:30 so I checked and it was in.  I couldn’t tell when she put it in, but it was in.

I took a shower and was ready when people started showing up around 4.  We have a big kitchen with a large island and an attached family room that everyone was standing around.  It made it easy for me to mingle with the guest and cook the dinner at the same time.

Around 4:30 it became apparent that the turkey wasn’t going to be done at 5:00.  I asked her when she put it in but she was too drunk to give me a real answer.  My guess is that she put it in around 3:30.  At least it got in the oven.  I ended up putting the beans and stuffing in the oven around 5:15 with and changed dinner time to 6.

At 5:30 I cleared everyone out of the room except one of my kids and my wife.  The guests went into the living room while we finished cooking.   My wife stood at the side of the island while my kid an I did all the work.  Occasionally, I would ask her a question like “how long should the beans cook” or “what temperature should I set the oven for the rolls” knowing that she would not be able to answer.

I asked her if we had any food cooking at the neighbors and she said “Yes, the neighbors”.  I sent my kid over to get it and she returned and told me we didn’t have any food over there.  She was too drunk to know if she used their oven or not.

We finished the cooking, made the gravy, carved the turkey and put all the food on the island at 6:00.  Turns out I left the cranberry sauce and a jello mold in the fridge.  I asked her if there was anything else but she couldn’t answer.

The kids were in one room and the adults in another.  I was glad that the kids didn’t have to see their Aunt drunk at the dinner table.  I watched her get her food after everyone was seated.  She got a few things and then just stopped and stared at the island.  I asked her what she was doing and she said “Turkey”.  She couldn’t find the turkey and was too drunk to figure it out.  The turkey was on the counter across from the island.

We all ate and had a great time.  She sat in her seat and didn’t say anything.

The twins and I cleaned up after dinner.  We used disposable plates and cups so it was pretty easy.  About an hour after dinner I decided to get dessert out.  She made a pumpkin pie earlier in the day.  When I tried to slice it, I realized there was something wrong.  It wasn’t really a pie, it was just a mass of goo.  I’m sure she put it in the oven without a timer and just took it out after it cooked for a while.  It was obviously not done so I just threw it away.

She went in the back and passed out so she didn’t have a chance to say goodnight to B and his family.  It’s too bad, we only see them once a year or so, and almost never see their kids.

When everyone left and the kitchen was clean, A and the kids and I decided to play Taboo.  It’s a game where you try to get your team to say a word without saying certain words that are on a card.  It’s pretty tough and can be a lot of fun.

Just after we started she came in from the back and sat down to play.  Our kids tried to keep her from playing and I took her in the back and told her she was too drunk to play but she insisted.  We decided to let her guess for both sides.  Everyone pretty much ignored her as she sat on the floor guessing for both teams.

We made it through the day.